La Ceiba, Honduras, airport sign translation

Oops. Bad translation

These photos were taken while waiting at the La Ceiba airport back in 2008. Hopefully they have corrected the translation since then because some of those forbidden items are pretty confusing. I wonder why they left out grenades from the English translation. Maybe they weren't sure if it should be hand grenades or pomegranates.

Original sign in Spanish

Don't worry, be happy

Today is December 21, 2012, the last day of the Mayan calendar. Enjoy it as if it is the last day of the world! Don't worry, be happy, because it is all a big misunderstanding:

The truth about the Mayan calendar

But if this cartoon is wrong, at least your last day will have been a good one. My last meal is going to be ice cream just in case. ;-)

Via Fausta's Blog, additional assurance from Oreo. Thank goodness.

I have an idea that this prediction may be true:

Have a good day!

See that bridge over there?

I can't remember where I heard or read this joke so I can't give proper credit but it is just too funny and too true to not repeat. I think I heard it from a Honduran on a Honduran talk show so don't take offense! I'm not too much of a joke teller, but I get some great laughs from this one.

A Honduran mayor went to visit the mayor of his "sister city" in Spain. The Spanish mayor invited him home for dinner the first night of his trip. Before the dinner, which was fit for a king, he showed the Honduran mayor around his palatial estate.

The house was a mansion with finely carved furnishings, thick oriental carpets, golden faucets, and servants galore, waiting to attend to their every need. The mansion was situated on several acres of an immaculately landscaped hill overlooking a river.

The Honduran mayor, who we'll call Don Tomás, was suitably impressed and said, "I'm just a humble mayor from a poor pueblo in Honduras. I can only wonder how you can live in splendor like this. Spain must pay its mayors much better than Honduras does."

The Spanish mayor, who we'll call Don Carlos, patted Don Tomás on the back and said, "It's not so difficult. Let me tell you what I did. Perhaps you can do the same."

Don Carlos pointed out the window toward the river. "Do you see that bridge over there?"

Seeing the narrow wooden one-lane bridge crossing the river, Don Tomás replied, "Si".

"Bueno, I was able to obtain generous international aid to build a bridge for our little pueblo. But instead of building a big expensive two-lane bridge, I built a one-lane bridge and with the excess funds, I am able to have all of this." explained Don Carlos, throwing his arms wide to encompass his luxurious surroundings. "Simple, verdad?"

"Hmmm," thought Don Tomás, pondering what he had been told.

A couple of years later, Don Carlos came to Honduras for a visit, and of course, called on his friend, Don Tomás. He was surprised to find that Don Tomás was living in splendor every bit as wonderful as his own. Don Tomás appeared to have even more servants, probably due to the lower cost of wages in Honduras, he thought.

"Don Tomás! How did you amass such wealth in such a short time? This is splendid! You are to be congratulated!" he exclaimed.

Don Tomás smiled slyly and took him over to a window overlooking a river. "Do you see that bridge over there?"

Don Carlos looked out the window at the river. He moved to right and leaned out to get a better view. He leaned to the left to view the other end of the river.

"No."

Dealing with the Honduran government

(Video in Spanish with English subtitles)

This video will give you a taste of what it is like to deal with the Honduran government. Hee-larious! I'm not sure what country this is from, but while this has a happy ending (oops, I shouldn't have given it away), these guys were wusses compared to Honduras.

In the end, no matter how many hoops you've jumped through, no matter how well prepared you are, no matter how much time you've allotted to your tramite, they always have the trump card (the system is down, come back mañana; we are out of paper, come back mañana; the only person in the entire world who is authorized to sign your document is a) in San Pedro (substitute any city you are not currently in), b) out to lunch, or c) on vacation, come back next week.

I have to say that I've experienced that look of disappointment and even annoyance when I've arrived at the window with all my paperwork in order. Even worse, don't dare to bring something to read while you are waiting — it's highly frowned upon.

Just expect it and get used to it. You have no control over it. ;-)

Reverse culture shock watching TV

Funny Cartoon Pictures | Forward this Picture
I never let my hens watch reality TV — too scary

US television gives me reverse culture shock.....

• While watching cooking shows on television, I often cringe when I see the chef adding water straight from the faucet to some recipe! Then after I recover, I remember that, yes, I used to do that, too.

• I get a little twinge of remembrance seeing store commercials showing shoppers carrying large shopping bags around the store — that is never allowed in Honduras where all customers are presumed to be shoplifters. That used to bother me, but now I'm used to it.

• Our cable system includes (at least sometimes) the Denver US network channels. You know how before the news begins they always include a teaser, a shocker to keep you from changing the channel? One night the teaser was that the city had one 6-FOOT TALL WEED growing in front of a municipal building! (It actually looked to me like some sort of wild tree and the grass was neatly mowed around it.) "Why are citizens fined if their property isn't maintained when the city doesn't maintain their own?!!" Oh, horrors! All I have to say is that if that is the worst thing you have to worry about, you are doing okay in Denver.

• This is the season of car commercials. Oh my God. I am in awe of cars that can show you a movie, tell you where you are and give you directions to someplace else, wake you up if you doze off while driving, and — I can only presume — prepare a snack in the back seat when you are hungry. When did all of this happen? How many people buy cars with all those features? Do most new cars have them?

• This is also the season of US political commercials. I am so glad that will soon be over. Such hatefulness! Such negativity! It gives democracy a bad name. If all of the candidates are as bad as their opposition says, you shouldn't vote for any of them!
  

I feel so much safer now

Image credit

Mayors are ordered to persecute witches
Interior Minister prohibits rituals and satanic cults

That was the La Prensa headline. I will be completely honest with you and tell you that, initially, I thought this article was some sort of Halloween joke. You know, like the announcements that Google makes on April Fool's Day. I read the whole thing, laughing, thinking there would be a humorous punchline at the end.

Here are some translated excerpts from the article:

"The government warned yesterday that it will not allow witches into the country who are planning to mount satanic cults in the pagan festival of Halloween.

"The Minister of Interior and Population, Africo Madrid, said that mayors and are instructed to cancel any event related to the celebration of satanic festivals or cults.

"We're not going to let them into the country. Obviously, such people are charlatans, swindlers who prey on the innocence of people or their beliefs or superstitions. "

And more from the Minister:

"I take this opportunity to ask all people, especially Christians, to prevent their children from participating in celebrations that are not part of the Honduran national or cultural traditions, such as the Satanic holiday Halloween. That's not part of our culture or beliefs and traditions of our country. "

La Prensa takes credit for bringing this to light:

"The issue came under discussion after La Prensa published yesterday that sorcerers from several countries have gathered in the cemetery of Santa Barbara, in western Honduras, for prayer, evil spells and diabolical rituals, according to an employee of the cemetery."

Okay. Fine and dandy. There have been some problems in the past with these "Satanic groups" that come to Honduras to mislead and defraud the unsuspecting people selling them potions and 'magic' charms. Which just goes to show you that if good Catholics and good Christians can be tricked by these crazy satanic cult folks, putting constitutional decisions about the future of the country in the hands of these same gullible, easily misled citizens is a risky business.

For the record, I think maintaining Honduras' traditional culture and traditions is a good thing, though I think that most of those traditions have been lost long ago in the pursuit of being modernized and Americanized.

What about some of these so-called Evangelical cults that mislead and defraud their unsuspecting flocks every day? I've heard of one in La Ceiba that pressures their congregation to tithe their wedding rings if they have nothing else to give. I think these charlatan and swindling pastors are a much bigger threat to the average citizen.

And what about innocent Halloween parties that many Honduran private schools hold to teach children about the cultures of other countries? There isn't anything satanic about them, just the silly childish fun of dressing up and eating treats. The article states "The mayors now have clear instructions to cancel, close and seize any article or event with this type of charlatans and con artists and including some religious cults posing as Christian churches but who really cheat the people, so we're going to regulate all of these types of actions, "said Madrid, Minister of the Interior. Apparently, mayors will now have the authority to determine what is satanic and what is not. Just like the old days!


So, great! We will be safe from witches and evil Halloween parties this year. And from criminals.....?


Hat tip to Teresa!

Current events checklist

Every now then, in searching my blog for a prior article that I need to refer to, I run across something that makes me laugh (again). Actually, it happens quite often. ;-)

In this article, I suggested that the Honduran newspapers turn page 2 into a current events checklist to save time and paper. Just check the boxes that apply because we all know the stories too well:

Current events

Maybe you have to be a regular reader of Honduran news to appreciate the joke, I don't know.

In looking over all the issues I've brought up recently, I think I need to do the same to get you up-to-date.

Watch out, girls!

Those Honduran guys are really charming, really, really charming. Apparently one is headed north and planning ahead. Here is what he googled:

"i need to learn english in order to flirt with some gringas when i will go to the united states"

I'm confused, though, because his English looks pretty good to me. I'm sure he'll do just fine.

90% of the searches leading to the Blogicito are some combination of words La Gringa Blog or Blogicito, in every imaginable form of spelling. But every now and then there is a good one that makes me laugh. I am sorry that he probably didn't learn any good flirting moves here at the Blogicito.

Meet Inzulaya and his friend Inchavastro

Inzulaya

I thought you might enjoy a laugh at José Miguel Insulza's expense. I found this clever cartoon at Nuevo Acción when looking for something else. Insulza was just reelected Secretary General of the OAS for another five years. Oh, joy!

His unopposed reelection is a testament to the loss of US influence in the hemisphere. See the Human Rights Foundation opinion on Insulza and the OAS at Insulza Dot No! Insulza has just proposed that he have more powers to intervene in countries of the region. Oh, more joy, especially for those countries opposed to XXI century socialism.

You can bet that intervention won't be performed in Venezuela or Cuba. Did you see his cowardly statement on Chávez's arrest of the president of the last remaining independent television station in Venezuela? Could it be any more clear that he was pressured to issue that statement, and did his best to hide behind the skirts of the IACHR? Anyone care to compare that statement with the ones made to Honduras? Here's a hint: Venezuela - I worry..., I request...; Honduras - strongly condemn..., vehemently condemn..., demand... In fact, the OAS even condemned things that never happened!

Funny as that cartoon is, I believe that it gives way too much credit to Mel Zelaya. I have improved upon it and made it much more realistic. What do you think?

Meet Inchavastro, defender of democracy in the Americas.

Happy Easter

It will be a happy Easter for some − for others, not so much.



Please be kind to animals, including chocolate bunnies and marshmallow peeps. Put them out of their misery quickly. Animals have feelings, too, you know.

hat tip to Trish for the cartoon!

The Crapola Translator

I hope the translator in the sidebar is of use to some readers. I know that these computer translators sometimes mangle translations terribly but other times they can be helpful. I use the Google toolbar translator sometimes, especially when I'm tired or in a hurry. I can read Spanish, but at times I'm just lazy. I usually have to switch back and forth though (easy as clicking one button with the Google toolbar) to check the Spanish when parts of it don't make sense. Google does have a bad habit of leaving out important words like 'no' and 'not' so you have to be careful.

Ulf Erlingsson writes some articles in Swedish and Google works amazingly well on that − hardly ever a word out of place. I've also used it for Portuguese and a couple of other languages, too. The quality of the original writing has a lot to do with how well it is translated. For example, many of the reader comments on Spanish-language newspaper articles are almost indecipherable because of the poor spelling and lack of punctuation. And before anyone gets in a huff, I'm sure the same could be said for comments on English-language newspapers, too.

But I ran across a new translator today that made me realize that I might be leaving some of my readers out. The Blogicito has a large Canadian readership so I thought that you might enjoy using the Crapola Translator. Try it out and see what you think. It also offers Boston and Valley Girl accents, among several others.

Just copy the Blogicito link from the top of your browser, paste it into the Crapola Translator, and select your 'language'. Crapola will show you the entire page in your selected language. Some of the 'languages' are pretty obscure, but after trying them, I realized that I have read several blogs written in those styles, I'm sorry to say. The 'Jeff K' is a very popular blogging style. ;-)

Save the best for last. Try the Ali G translation. If you aren't familiar, Ali G is a British gansta wannabee character who hosts a talk show with some very important and serious (real) guests. I've only caught the show a couple of times but found it to be very funny. I laughed and laughed to read prim and proper La Gringa translated to gansta talk! I think you will, too.

Sheeit!

US Americans can't even make their own P&J's anymore

Old fashioned 20th century peanut butter and jelly sandwich

Is it true? Have US Americans now become so rushed that they don't even have time to make their own peanut butter and jelly sandwiches anymore?

I was reading Fausta's Blog (a great source for Latin American news) when a flashing advertisement went by for Smuckers Uncrustables. I never, never ever, never ever ever click ads, but I was so intrigued that I clicked this one.

Sure enough. Moms can now buy pre-made, pre-trimmed, frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in several flavors. "Uncrustables® are the perfect 'grab-and-go' sandwich for families on the move." Just grab them out of the freezer and toss 'em to the kids on your way to work.

Hey, I'm all for conveniences. You won't find me washing my clothes on a rock in the river (please read - it's funny)  and I'm super happy that I don't have to collect wood for the fire or carry water from the creek in order to cook dinner as many women do in Honduras. But really! How much time does it take to make a P&J sandwich and cut off the crust? Or for God's sake, teach your kids how to do it. It'll be good for them.

Related article: In my search for a picture of an Uncrustable, I ran across the hilarious "Uncrustables Experiment". Check it out for a laugh. The descriptions are priceless.

Body language

I provide these photos for your discussion. (Click the photos to enlarge.) Enjoy! I'm looking forward to some clever explanations. ;-)

Photo #1

US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez in Trinidad and Tobago for the Summit of the Americas, April 2009. I would give anything to know what had been said just before this photo was snapped! Does anyone know?

Photo #2:

Honduran President elect Porfirio Lobo with Dominican Republic President Leonel Fernández upon the signing of the new "Accord" in the Dominican Republic.

Photo #3:

US State Department representatives meeting with Pepe Lobo the day before his inauguration

Photo #4:

US Ambassador Hugo Llorens first official meeting (as Ambassador) with then President Manuel Zelaya, August 2008

Out with the old, in with the new

At top, Pepe Lobo (in case you aren't familiar)
In the bag, Mel Zelaya and Roberto Micheletti

This cartoon was on the front page of La Prensa today. Very fitting and very funny. Honduras − the only country with three presidents. One actual president, one deposed (who still isn't giving up), and one on the way in, though the changeover won't take effect until January 27.

Roberto Micheletti recently gave a speech in which he still says he has no intentions of resigning prior to January 27, despite the pressure being put on Pepe Lobo to try to force that. The "international community", particularly Spain, shows their complete lack of respect for democratic institutions by making demands on President-elect Lobo that he has no constitutional authority to perform. All that in the name of "restoring constitutional order". Hypocrites!

I am sooo glad that 2009 is over! And I'm hoping that 2010 brings peace and prosperity to Honduras and gets the freakin' misguided "international community" off our backs!

Happy New Year, readers!

Celebrate 2009

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Enjoy the 2009 highlights video. Funny!

~~~~~~~~~~~

El Jefe and I have been enjoying a movie marathon during the past week or so.

I recommend The Hunting Party with Richard Gere, if you haven't seen it. (This is from 2007; don't confuse it with the 1970's Hunting Party.) Richard Gere and Terrence Howard are journalists who decide to capture a war criminal in Bosnia, though it isn't near as dark as that may sound. The movie gives a shocking view of the "international community", the incompetent United Nations, and the duplicitous US.

Another movie that we enjoyed was Defiance, a movie about Jews fighting back in Belarus during World War II. Both of these movies are based on true stories. By the way, El Jefe gives both movies a thumbs up as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~

For the first time, I cooked a traditional pork leg for Christmas. Yum! I will do that again. That made for a lot of lazy meals of sliced pork sandwiches on homemade rolls − a favorite holiday meal in La Ceiba, believe it or not.

Yesterday − all day − Arexy and I made tamales with the leftover pork. That was another first. It was a bit of the case of the blind leading the blind since Arexy had only made them once years ago, but we muddled through it and they turned out pretty well in the end. The photo shows some of the 36 tamales that we made.

There was a bit of a disaster but with my gringa ingenuity, I repaired that. For those who have been in on previous tamale conversations, steaming is the way to go. I will never let anyone talk me into boiling tamales (the Honduran way) again.

I made a new ice cream which is a delectable substitute for my former all time favorite: Ben and Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar, which I haven't had in nine long years! I'll give you the recipe some time. Remind me if I forget.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Since I can never just sit and watch television, movie watching came with a lot of crocheting. I was working on using up some of my plastic bag stash. These are some of my latest recycled plastic bag bags. Pretty cool, huh?

I've been having a great and hugely needed break and will probably get back to regular blogging after the New Year.

The lighter side of Mel

Maybe the radiation is coming from his cell phone

I'm exhausted from that last post and I know that you are exhausted from reading it, but I just had to share the lighter side of Mel with you:

Miami Herald: They're torturing me, Zelaya claims

Honduras' fallen leader told The Miami Herald he is being subjected to mind-altering gas and radiation − and that 'Israeli mercenaries' are planning to assassinate him.

It's been 89 days since Manuel Zelaya was booted from power. He's sleeping on chairs, and he claims his throat is sore from toxic gases and "Israeli mercenaries'' are torturing him with high-frequency radiation.

"We are being threatened with death,'' he said in an interview with The Miami Herald, adding that mercenaries were likely to storm the embassy where he has been holed up since Monday and assassinate him.

"I prefer to march on my feet than to live on my knees before a military dictatorship,'' Zelaya said in a series of back-to-back interviews.

Please read the rest of the article here.

I have a feeling that his pal Hugo was busy at the UN today and not around to advise him on what to say. He must be listening to Patty Rodas again. Big mistake.

When I read this article, I immediately looked for an OAS press release demanding that the "de facto regime stop using mind-altering gases and radiation on the constitutional president of Honduras, José Manuel Zelaya Rosales", but could not find one.

He must be feeling lonely as most of his supporters voluntarily requested to be evacuated from the Brazilian Embassy − which they were, but only under the supervision of the Attorney General's office, transported by the US Embassy, and after being reviewed by a doctor so there could be no false claims of abuse. There was talk that he may be moving to more comfortable quarters at the US Embassy, but the US State Department has now denied that.

It could be worse. He could be staying here, one of the many places his peaceful followers attacked today. No toothpaste here either:



I tell you, there are times that I actually miss Mel Zelaya. We used to watch his propaganda on the government channel just for fun. He is an amazing guy. He never fails to underestimate the intelligence of his listeners.

Restore Rod Blagojevich and democracy to Illinois

Rod Blagojevich, the democratically elected Governor of Illinois

We, the citizens and residents of Honduras and the world, are profoundly conscious of the actual situation in the State of Illinois in the United States of America, and the instability of its democratic system. We DEPLORE the manner in which democracy has failed in the great State of Illinois. In order to restore democracy in Illinois, we vehemently proclaim the following:

We DEMAND the immediate and unconditional restitution of the democratically elected governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, to his constitutional duties. Honduran attorneys have reviewed the circumstances, taken a glance at the constitution, and find that all actions taken against Governor Blagojevich were unjust and illegal. We vehemently CONDEMN the undemocratic actions taken by the elite, politically motivated oligarchy as well as the conspiracy to damage his reputation by wealthy media owners.

Further, we INSIST that Governor Blagojevich be given amnesty for these fabricated and politically motivated charges of violating laws and ethics since a fair trial under a de facto regime is impossible. Further, we DEMAND that his term be extended to restore the days for which he was elected but was deprived of his elected office.

No other governor of Illinois will be recognized until the state of Illinois submits to our demands. State elections held under the de facto regime of dictator Pat Quinn will not be recognized. All appointments, including the US Senate seat appointment from Illinois will be considered de facto.

We REPUDIATE all laws passed in the state of Illinois subsequent to the date of Governor Blagojevich's illegal removal and consider said laws null and void and unenforceable. By extension, due to the appointment of the de facto United States Senator by the de facto governor/dictator of Illinois, we also REPUDIATE all laws of the Unitied States of America passed under this undemocratic regime as null and void and unenforceable.

We DEMAND that the de facto governor submit himself to mediation to restore democracy in Illinois. Honduran President Roberto Micheletti will be named mediator. We DEMAND that the de facto regime and Illinois courts and congress submit to his decision. During this mediation, only facts provided by Blagojevich co-conspirators supporters will be considered. Any evidence of crimes by Governor Blagojevich will be discarded as obviously fabricated to justify this crime against humanity.

We are guided by the words of the great José Miguel Insulza, Secretary General of the Organization of American States, “If you want to have democratic rule in the region, if you want people to believe in your democratic institutions, if you want to improve the quality of democracy, and correct all its defects, don’t try to justify the rape of democracy”. In other words, any attempt to prove the legality of Governor Blagojevich's removal merely points to the far reaching extent of the conspiracy against him by all members of the Illinois community. We WILL NOT listen or negotiate with co-conspirators.

We further DEMAND that a truth and reconciliation commission headed by former Honduran president Manuel Zelaya be appointed to administer the government and public funds of the State of Illinois while conducting investigations. The truth and reconciliation commission will also include all former Honduran ministers under Zelaya's administration. The state of Illinois will be responsible for paying the salary and all expenses, including travel, of the commission members, their families, and their horses.

We wish to express our solidarity with the repressed people of Illinois. We have been informed by Governor Blagojevich of the months of repression and human rights abuses suffered by the Illinois people. We DEMAND that national and international human rights groups document and report all human rights abuses. We CONDEMN all "detentions" which have occurred since the coup d'etat. Any persons taken into custody, arrested, or tried under this repressive regime will be considered political prisoners who must be released immediately.

Further, we INSIST that human rights violation reports be taken only from Blagojevich supporters. The de facto government is responsible for creating this oppressive regime of terror, therefore any crimes committed against the state or de facto regime supporters are a result of the government's own actions. All murders occurring in the state of Illinois since the removal of Governor Blagojevich are further evidence of this oppressive, brutal regime.

While we support the innocent citizens of Illinois, we DEMAND that anyone involved in the removal of Governor Rod Blagojevich or anyone who supported that removal afterward be pressured to restore him by cancellation of visas and passports and freezing of bank accounts and any other assets until this rape of democracy is properly addressed and the democratically elected Governor Blagojevich is restored to office.

We INSIST that the United States of America, the United Nations, the Organization of American States, and the Eurpean Union take severe economic actions against this illegal usurper regime in order to restore democracy to the state of Illinois. Federal government assistance should be suspended. Trade with companies in the state of Illinois should be suspended. Illinois should be condemned by the world.

Finally, in words paraphrased from the US State Department Assistant Secretary of State, Philip J. Crowley: Illinois, there is no way out of this box. You put yourself into it and it is up to you to submit to world demands to get yourself out. Because of the intransigence of the de facto regime, we call upon the people of Illinois and the international community to join forces against this grave disturbance of the democratic process. Failure to comply with our demands will result in international isolation.

The world cannot allow this horrendous action action against a democratically elected politician to stand. We can not return to the days of corrupt politicians being held accountable for their actions. This travesty could put into jeopardy corrupt leaders all over the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please show your support for democracy by joining the Restore Rod Blagojevich and Democracy to Illinois cause on Facebook. Remember if we don't stop Illinois, your corrupt politician could be next.

Mel the Mariachi

Mel Zelaya Mariachi Cantando El Rey Video

Best appreciated if you know the entire cast of evil characters and a little Spanish, but I think most can enjoy this video whether you read Spanish or not.

Hat tip to Ted at Bay Island Beach Resort



Oh, okay....a few hints to help you along:

lider = leader
paz = peace
une = unite
llama = call
promueve = promote
palabras de odio = words of hate

Irrelevant

Poll results

Channel 10 news has a viewer poll each day. Viewers send a text message with a code indicating their answer. A random caller wins a prize of L.15,000, some cell phone minutes, and four free lunches. Usually there are between 3,000 and 5,000 responses.

Just to show a sense of humor amidst all this stress, last night's question was, "In these moments, which is more important to you?"

a) Winning the Costa Rica game (tonight)
b) Restoring Mel Zelaya

As you can see in the photo above, winning the soccer game is more important to 92% of the respondents.

Honduran dicho #1

I'm going to be lazy here and let Hondurans explain this one.

I'd also like an example of how this saying might be used in the current situation.

That's your assignment, should you choose to accept it. I'll be looking forward to reading the comments. ;-)